The show "Brimstone" belongs to Fox and their underlings. And
also lots of thanks to John Glover for doing a excellent Devil
and Peter Horton for doing a good Ezekiel Stone. If you try to
sue me for this, you'll get a ragged broom. And a dog with a
taste for garbage..not mine, fortunately. And slash,
ladies and gentlemen, means male/male sexual and emotional
relationship. Got that? Don't like that, get out. And..how'd you
get here anyway if you don't like slash? Now, with all the
disclaimers over and done with...on with the story. This takes
place after the "Vigiliate" episode, which may be the slashiest
one yet..well, what do you call it when the Devil kicks Stone off
the bus? A little love pat? I'm not sure--and I think the Devil
likes it that way.
The Dogman's Lament
Gods! I loved the look on your face after that waitress
bumped into..Ash, I think her name was, and spilled the beer all
over her. And when she confessed I paid her..oh my!
I'm curious. What'd you think of "Dr. Woodbine"? Inspired,
if I may say so myself. I swear, I didn't make him put that
picture upside down, but it was a nice touch, wasn't it? You want
to know the interesting part about the show? There wasn't enough
room behind that damned desk. I had to sit scrunched up while his
elbows hit my ribs. Wave, hit, wave, hit. By the time it was
over, I felt like a drum. I hope you appreciated the "Amateur
Hour". *I* didn't.
Why'd I kick you out of the bus? Because I felt like
it...and because it was amusing watching you deal with that
woman. She must have thought you were an voyeur or something
equally appalling. Trust me, Stone, if you'd been merely a voyeur
you wouldn't have ended up in Hell.
Why am I telling this to you...when you aren't *even* here?
Easy. I just got all those "fried, not crispied" folks down here.
Did you know that lawyer has that kind of voice that makes you
want to slap and cuddle him at the same time? Must be how he won
all those cases. And those pictures! I didn't know you *could* do
that with a whip and a jar of Vaseline..
And the guy with the chicken leg. He was still holding it
when he showed up. Charming man. I don't think he quite believed
he was in Hell. That is, until one of the guards opened a window
and showed him. That's when he started howling. And I hate
howling. He did lose that leg, through.
The jiving brother? He almost killed you, Stone, when you
opened that elevator too early into his death. And then what
would I have done?
And no, Graver was never a candiate. Too nuts for my
purpose. I want someone with brains, and the ability to use it.
Not someone who has problems with telling the difference between
subtlety and outright insanity.
*What* would I have done? Sent you right back, probably,
with a good kick in the butt. You're probably curious about the
other lawyer, Lambert, right? Well, the asshole didn't *quite*
get where he was at first, like about 60% of the other defendants
here. I mailed him off with the other lawyer to the..what ring
did Dante say lawyers like Lambert belonged to? The seventh?
So Trent didn't make it. Would it reassure you to know she's
not here? She's up there. Must have been a big surprise to her.
Big surprise you say? Think about it, Stone. On average, half of
the people here didn't expect to end up where they are. Half of
the souls in Heaven didn't expect to end up where they were,
Speaking of unexpecting arrivals...Shiva's sitting in my
office, smirking. He's telling me ALL about Mazuda's little trick
with the sigil. I should wipe it off, but you know what? I don't
feel like it. Maybe I'll pay you a little visit tonight, assert
my...what's the right word? Ownership, or bridal rights?
I'll think about it. But you do represent me on Earth. Which
is interesting in itself.
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